FULTON COUNTY DRUG COURT: The Story Of Scott Pfaff

Addiction is more than just the statistics we read about in the news. This series of articles about participants from the Fulton County Drug Court is meant to illuminate the human faces behind the numbers.

They are all part of our Fulton County family, and they are moms, dads, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons. The first article in this series features the story of Scott Pfaff as told in part by Carol Tiffany, Program Coordinator.

PAST

When I was in the 4th grade, I tried weed for the first time. The object was to be “cool” since I was hanging around with my older sister and her friends. I liked the feeling of smoking weed, and that same year, I had surgery on my knee. The doctor gave me Vicodin for the pain, and I remember liking how I felt after taking these pills.

I had two older sisters and mostly had older friends.
One of my biggest regrets is that I wanted to be older like them so I tried doing adult things, but I was just a kid. I also thought I had to be the “man of the family” because my dad left us when I was really young. I was the only male left at home and took on that role. I grew up way too quickly in my early years.

In junior high, I was an athlete and liked school, but had demons that I didn’t even realize existed. I emotionally struggled with coming from a broken home; having no contact with my father or a positive male role model in my life. My mom worked a lot to support our family so I was on my own.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me and wanted to feel better. I wanted to escape the pain of life that had presented itself to me at an early age. The consequences of carrying that emotional pain were that I smoked weed, failed classes, and sought out negative influences. Once you get past the fear of using drugs, it gets easier to experiment with anything and everything.

By high school my drug use had increased. It was not enough to ease my emotional pain so I tried more or tried a different kind of drug. Drugs took over my life and became my focus. By my junior year, I was getting free Percocets from friends and was snorting them daily even while at school.

However, I was wrestling varsity and doing well. Wrestling was important to me, but drugs won that match. I tried playing football my senior year but quit. Once again, drugs won that game. If it weren’t for the Opportunity School, I wouldn’t have graduated at all.

When I was 17, my life changed forever. This was the first time I shot heroin, and I was hooked. When I got out of high school, I was working and making good money. The pills were no longer free, so I went to heroin because it was cheaper. The guys I worked with all used, so I wasn’t alone. I learned how to support my habit and make money selling to others.

One day I got “dope sick”, and I realized that I was addicted and in trouble. I called my dad who lived in Arizona and told him I needed help. Thinking back now, I realize what I really wanted was just to live with and be with my dad. I craved that connection. He would have been a part of my emotional healing, but he rejected me once again.

From that point, I spiraled downward. I stole from anyone and everyone, even family. I think it was a cry for help when I stole from family. Drugs were not “fun” anymore. It was hard work and a mix of all the negative emotions I tried to escape when I first started self-medicating. Instead of me “chasing the dragon”, the “dragon” was now chasing me. When it calls, you answer.

I’ve been to prison and CCNO, but continued to put myself in risky situations. I thought I could control the drug but ended up relapsing. I was homeless and living in Toledo away from my family because I was ashamed. I finally moved back to Delta and was sober for one and a half years. I was doing well, but got in an accident and needed shoulder surgery.

The doctor knew I was an addict but gave me five Percocets anyway to take home. The “dragon” was back and I was “chasing” it, again.

PRESENT

Today, I do not run from my problems as I have in the past. I face any situation, problem or consequence I may encounter as an adult. In the past, I would push all of my problems off and avoid them. If it was something that bothered me emotionally, I would use a drug in order to avoid it. Today, it’s not like that.

Today, I confront whatever is happening in my life head on and deal with it accordingly. Today, I take responsibility for all my actions. I also make amends for any situation if I was wrong. Today, I am also a responsible person when before I couldn’t care less. I avoided any and all responsibility.

Today, I can be relied upon and counted on to show up to work or any appointments I make. I am there for family and friends, no matter what the situation may be. I am becoming the man my mom always knew I had been. Today, I can honestly say that I am close to becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be.

MY MOTIVATION FOR THE FUTURE

There are many factors in my life that motivate me to successfully graduate from Drug Court. Drug Court is a very tough program to complete, and even if you did graduate, you are more than likely to relapse within the first two years of completion.

Statistically speaking, within the first year, 16.4% of graduates would be arrested and charged with another crime. So with this in mind, my motivation is not only to successfully complete Drug Court, but to do so and remain sober. I am currently 17 months sober.

It’s hard to pinpoint what my biggest motivation is. How do you put a value on what motivates you the most? There are so many factors like family, loved ones, and friends. All of these motivate me to be successful.

Family is an extremely important factor for me. My family has always been there for me, and I want nothing more in life than to make them proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished. However, family is family, and they will always love me regardless. So, this alone is not enough.

My accomplishments and progression is another important factor in my life. I have a business that I continually strive to make into a million-dollar company. It seems like a big dream, however, it is possible. The sense of pride and recognition I get from jobs done well is huge for my sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

However, I’ve been able to maintain this even when I was using. So this alone is not enough. I’ve accomplished many goals that I have set and gained back whatever I lost and more, but these are all materialistic things. It is not enough.

The satisfaction of proving people wrong, the naysayers, and the non-believers who have looked down on me as a person because of my addiction are also great motivation, but once again, this is not enough.

In all my years of addiction, I have always paid the price. It has cost me everything: my family, my friends, my relationships, my dignity, and my self-respect. I have lost so many people to this addiction. I’ve lost two of my three best friends, and I’m left behind fighting this battle on my own. So what do I do it for?

I do it for myself. I do it for Billy Hawes. I do it for Keith Cook. I do it for the ones who can’t do it anymore. The ones who will never have the opportunity to do anything ever again. I do it for my dog, Larry, because without me he has nothing, and without him, I have nothing.

I do it for my family who will always love me no matter what I do. I do it so they can proudly say, yes that’s my son, brother, uncle etc… I do it for the addict so they can see it is possible. I do it for the glory, my soul, my dignity, and my pride above all. I do it for me!

I can find motivation anywhere. The world is my motivation. There is no one thing that compels me more than another. In recovery, the odds are stacked against us. So, we must be able to find motivation in any given situation. Our backs are against the wall, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. That’s when I’m at my best.

Our past does not determine our future: it only determines our fortitude to continue moving toward the future.