By: Mike Kelly
Retired Pastor
Remember the little valentine cards we had to bring to school, making sure we had one for everyone in the class? Or Spangler’s original Sweethearts candies? Those were the days. But as we grew up, having a valentine became much more serious—especially in marriage.
Last week, I said a successful marriage is one in which both partners are enriched emotionally, spiritually, and physically. So what goes into making a marriage successful?
Let’s start with the basics. According to the Bible, a successful marriage is two becoming one. Paul quotes Genesis 2:24 in Ephesians 5:31, just as Jesus does in both Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:8: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
The phrase “two shall become one flesh” expresses the heart of the Bible’s concept of marriage. By entering into marriage, a husband and wife take solemn vows to become permanently united—to love, honor, and cherish one another until parted by death.
What does it mean for two to become one flesh? It means the individuals unite into a single, new entity with shared purpose, life, and intimacy.
This unity encompasses emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects, creating a deep bond where they function as one while still retaining their individuality. It also signifies a covenant relationship built on mutual commitment, shared goals, and a connection that goes beyond physical intimacy.
The original Hebrew word translated as “flesh” refers to much more than just the physical or sexual aspect. It relates to the entirety of human existence. The biblical view of “one flesh” communicates a unity that covers every facet of a couple’s joint life—emotionally, intellectually, financially, spiritually, and more. Uniting two whole and separate people into a new, God-designed life is the goal of marriage.
“Two shall become one” in purpose. Such closeness allows couples to balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses, working together to fulfill their God-given calling. God’s ideal is for man and woman to join together in an inseparable and exclusive union, lasting until death.
So, how do we achieve this? How do we overcome cultural norms and biases? Today, couples are often encouraged to see their relationship as right for this stage of life, hoping it lasts forever but acknowledging that things might change.
However, if we enter marriage thinking it might end, that expectation can become self-fulfilling. Conversely, if we decide that our marriage will last, and commit to never letting it end, the odds are much higher that we’ll make it through the inevitable tough times.
Our fast-paced, “microwave” culture can make marriage difficult. Patience is required when dealing with real people who change over time. A successful relationship understands and plans for these changes.
As we grow older and experience life, the filters through which we see the world change. If we can’t adapt to the “new” versions of ourselves and our spouses, marriage becomes difficult.
Plan for change. Watch for moments that require flexibility. Be willing to allow your spouse to change, and appreciate how these changes can add to your marriage rather than harm it.
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Mike Kelly is the founding pastor of Bryan’s Grace Community Church (retired) and Board Chairman of Bryan’s Sanctuary Homeless Shelter and Williams County’s Compassion (free) Medical Clinic.