By: Steve Wilmot
Last February, Elon Musk, director of DOGE, sent an email to federal employees that caused a ruckus among the press, Democrats, and most of those government workers.
The emails were sent with this subject line: “What did you get done this week?” It demanded each employee submit a list of five things they did the prior week at work. If they failed to do so, they faced termination from their job.
The Babylon Bee, a group of Christian guys who write satirical articles about Christian and political stuff and everyday life and post them online, took the Musk story and ran with it.
They titled their tongue-in-cheek spoof, “Uh Oh: Saint Peter Starts Asking Everyone At Pearly Gates To List Five Ways They Advanced God’s Kingdom On Earth.”
Here it is:
HEAVEN — Individuals waiting in line to enter their eternal home were struck with fear, as they realized Saint Peter was asking everyone at the Pearly Gates to list five ways they advanced God’s kingdom on earth.
The unexpected productivity check at Heaven’s entrance sent those waiting for admittance into a quiet panic, with many people hastily attempting to come up with a quick list of things they had accomplished during their lives.
“Oh geez, really? You’re kidding, right?” one exasperated man was heard asking Saint Peter.
“Well, let’s see. I went to church every Sunday, and I only left early when there was a football game. That counts, right? And I read the Bible. A lot of it, at least. Sometimes.
“How many is that? Two? I must come up with three more? Aw, man. Can I go to the back of the line and think about it some more? I wasn’t expecting this.”
A representative from Heaven explained the new policy. “We need to make sure people are putting in at least some effort down there,” a spokesangel said.
“All they need to do is respond with a simple bulleted list of five things they did on earth to advance the cause of the Gospel. This shouldn’t be difficult to do. We’re just looking for the bare minimum here.”
At publishing time, people waiting in line had been given a deadline of 1,000 years before their names would be stricken from the registry, and they would be directed to proceed toward the “down” elevator.
Could you do it? If you had to come up with a list of five ways you advanced God’s Kingdom on earth, would you struggle or rattle off your record with no trouble at all? Maybe even give ten or more ways for good measure?
Thank God, you won’t be asked for such a list. Salvation is free to anyone who calls on the name of the Lord (Romans 10.13). A few verses earlier, Paul explained what he meant.
“That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (verse 9).
No productivity check here. It’s peculiar how people swing from one extreme to another on about everything. There are those who believe to be saved and go to heaven, they must do enough good work, become a better person, and/or earn enough brownie points. But as we read in the verses from Romans above, that’s not the case. At all. We are saved by faith, not works.
On the other end of the pendulum is faith alone. God saves us by his mercy and grace, and all we must do is believe and call on his name. Then we can sit back and coast to heaven.
That extreme isn’t accurate either. James wrote, “Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead (James 2.17). In Romans, Paul wrote, “… to the obedience that comes from faith” (Romans 1.5).
And then there’s the whole chapter of Hebrews 11 where the author catalogues example after example of how a person’s faith caused him to do something.
In many of Jesus’ parables, (see Matthew 25.14-30 and 31-46 for two examples) he made clear that someone who has faith in him will actively live by that faith.
We don’t do good works to pad our resumes so God will let us into heaven. We do them because we’re grateful salvation is free, and because they are the natural result of saving faith.
“Every good tree bears good fruit… A good tree cannot bear bad fruit… by their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7.17-20).
So don’t worry if you can point out five things you’ve done for God’s kingdom so you will be granted entrance into heaven. Just live your life with faith in Jesus, and he will take care of the rest.
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Steve Wilmot is a former Edgerton, Ohio area pastor who now seeks “to still bear fruit in old age” through writing. He is the author of seven books designed to assist believers to make steady progress on their spiritual journey.
