By: Dr. Jerry Bergman
Montpelier, Ohio
In the Global Methodist Church, “bands” refer to 5-to-7-member groups that focus on spiritual growth and accountability.
These groups were historically a core feature of Methodism, emphasizing mutual accountability and encouragement to live a sanctified life.
Specifically, they provide a space for individuals to be challenged, supported, and held accountable in their faith journey, requiring sharing their lives while supporting and encouraging each other, both in their struggles and victories. In short, it is a support group that functions as does common therapy groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous.
When a therapist at Arlington Psychological Associates in Toledo, Ohio, by far the major issues my colleagues and I dealt with were depression, marriage and family problems, problems with husbands, boyfriends, or parents, divorce, transient stress disorders, loss of a family member, loneliness, wanting to find a mate, and general unhappiness.
From my experience as a church member and pastor, the average Christian at some time in their life will suffer from similar issues. Our bipolar and alcoholic patients were usually treated by the M.D’s on staff, so my experience in this area was limited.
After 13 years of K-12 schooling, a therapy license requires another nine years of college for the doctorate. Part of the training requires working with clients in a room fitted with a one-way mirror to allow the professor to observe your interaction with clients who know they are working with a student therapist.
Neither the client or the therapist can observe the supervisor on the other side of the mirror. A few students drop out after this part of the training, often because they do not have the personality to successfully work in a helping role with distressed persons.
After graduation, three years of supervised training by a licensed psychologist is required. Those who have survived to this point, must pass a board test to be licensed. Therapists are also required to take continuing education classes to remain licensed.
Stressed is, first “do no harm.” It is critical to be an empathic listener, not condemning but focusing on facilitating communication. Warmth, empathy, and acceptance are at the top of the list.
The client must feel free to explain his/her feelings and concerns. Condemning, even criticism, usually closes dialogue. Clients must feel understood, trust the therapist, and believe that he or she can help.
Clients are very sensitive to cues of acceptance, understanding, and expertise. They are most critical in the initial interaction to ensure their engagement in the therapeutic process. Insight into their problems is critical, but clients do not want to be bluntly told what is wrong with them.
Explanations must be acceptable to the client, which involves compatibility with the client’s religion, values, culture, and worldview.
I have not completed an extensive survey of the experiences of “band” participants, but several that were related to me stand out, one of which I will review in some detail. I will let the person in a band of four explain what happened.
“We all knew each other, and after some small talk, one member asked if he could discuss his last week. He explained, with no small level of emotion, that his divorce, after an eight-year marriage, was finalized. She got the kids, a girl, seven, and a boy, five, and the house.
(He had to move out. He was then unemployed because his farmhand work, repairing and maintaining heavy equipment, was seasonal, so he was forced to move in with his mother.)
His child and spousal support was $1,800 per month. His wife was a stay-at-home mom who homeschooled the children. The judge told him he must find work or would be jailed for failure to pay spouse and child-support requirements.”
He was far more emotional than I had ever seen him during the fifteen years I had known him. Two of the other members of our group were also surprised at his emotional outburst and told him in no uncertain terms that expressing these feelings was inappropriate.
One stated, “I was divorced and moved on. You should, too. Your experience is not uncommon. The divorce rate is close to 50 percent. There is something wrong with you if you cannot deal with it.”
“You need to fervently pray about your situation. Have you thought maybe what happened is largely your fault?” He was devastated after hearing this lack of empathy blaming him.
After the prayer, as we left for home, he told me he no longer wanted to attend this church. My thought was that what should have been a positive experience turned out to be a horrible demeaning experience, which did far more harm than good. I must admit, I have never seen a man so distraught.
I had no knowledge of problems in his marriage, except that some in the church thought she was a strange woman. He was a very hard worker, not lazy by any means, did not drink or smoke, nor was he unfaithful.
These are the most common concerns women have with husbands, so we had no hint of the reasons for the divorce, except, as his wife (who also goes to our church) told a fellow member, the excitement with her marriage was gone but a new romantic interest brought it back. In short, small-group participants should require basic training in helping people effectively help others.
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Dr. Jerry Bergman has taught biology, genetics, chemistry, biochemistry, anthropology, geology, and microbiology for over 40 years at several colleges and universities including Bowling Green State University, Medical College of Ohio where he was a research associate in experimental pathology, and The University of Toledo. He is a graduate of the Medical College of Ohio, Wayne State University in Detroit, the University of Toledo, and Bowling Green State University. He has over 1,800 publications in 12 languages and 60 books and monographs. His books and textbooks that include chapters that he authored are in over 1,500 college libraries in 27 countries. All 60 of Bergman’s books are on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other bookstores.
