By: Mike Kelly
Retired Pastor
We’ve been talking about marriage and what makes for a successful marriage. Clearly, the “two becoming one” is the foundation of marriage, but we need to be aware of the need for the marriage to nurture both parties and not just one.
We also need to be aware that over time, we all change. The person you married is not the same person ten years later.
Life happened, and it changed them…as it did you. A successful marriage will involve change and adaptation.
Having pastored for over forty years, I have seen seemingly good people end their marriages because of broken trust. And that doesn’t have to be infidelity. Many people are already broken in the area of trust to begin with.
They were raised by parents who failed to be trustworthy or dealt with situations where those in authority proved untrustworthy.
That makes it doubly hard for them to trust their spouse in marriage. So, staying married is an uphill battle for them regardless of who they married.
Trust and honesty are foundational pillars of strong relationships, where honesty involves being truthful, authentic, and transparent, and can build trust.
Trust is believing in someone’s reliability and good intentions or good will. Trust creates safety, intimacy, and security, essential for both personal connections and effective collaboration in a marriage relationship.
While honesty involves consistent truthfulness, trust is the earned belief that someone will act with integrity, making it crucial for feeling safe.
Being truthful and genuine, even when difficult, proves reliability and fosters trust over time. It allows for vulnerability, open communication, and feeling secure in expressing oneself without fear of judgment or betrayal.
Without that, relationships become unstable, leading to doubt and insecurity. It involves revealing your true self, not just telling facts, allowing for deeper intimacy.
The key to trust is consistency. It only takes one poor decision to create doubt in your spouse and end the belief of a trustworthy spouse. Trust is earned through consistent, reliable actions and words, not just occasional truth-telling.
Being a person of integrity is fundamental to being trustworthy. Integrity is about upholding strong moral principles, keeping promises, and having the courage to do the right thing regardless of the consequences.
Integrity is a by-product of a strong relationship with Jesus. Psalm 15:1-5 “Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous who speaks the truth from his heart (definition of integrity) and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman (definition of integrity), who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the Lord, who keeps his oath even when it hurts (definition of integrity), who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent (definition of integrity). He who does these things will never be shaken.”
We should all be that kind of a person and spouse. We were created in God’s image but we find it difficult to live in harmony with that image.
And that can come only from a close friendship with Jesus. Being a spouse who adds to and nurtures your spouse requires being trustworthy, being a person of integrity and being a person with a close walk with Jesus.
Are you that kind of spouse? Can you decide to move that way? It may be too late for some, but for most, there is still time to become what God chose you to be: trustworthy.
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Mike Kelly is the founding pastor of Bryan’s Grace Community Church (retired) and Board Chairman of Bryan’s Sanctuary Homeless Shelter and Williams County’s Compassion (free) Medical Clinic.