By: Mike Kelly
Retired Pastor
“I lost my temper.” Where do you suppose it goes? To the Land of Lost Tempers? Is it just running around the block looking for me to return? Is it just floating in the air?
Such a strange expression: “I lost my temper” as if it’s a bad thing like “I lost my watch” or “I lost my money” or “I lost my passport.” or “I lost my voice.” Yet, losing our temper is not a good thing.
It’s bad in so many ways. First, it proves you to be a fool. Proverbs 29:11 states, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”
If you are in a disagreement and think that you must yell or show your anger, you’ve already lost the war. Temper is the ally of bullies and know-it-alls.
Second, someone pays for it. Maybe the proverbial dog you kick? Maybe the friend you harmed? Maybe the person at the other end of your frustration? Maybe those who witness your temper? Maybe even you if your conscience is the least bit sensitive?
But it never goes without hurting someone. Those arrows sent out in anger often evade our defense and grind themselves into our souls, our psyches.
Third, if you’re a Christian, it destroys your testimony or at least damages it. How can we say we love (which is the central hallmark of a Believer) when we are yelling at someone in anger and frustration?
Lastly, it is a sin! Matt 5:22 “I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.”
Christ wants his children to be known for their loving, giving, and caring, not their anger, frustration, or temper. Not too long I lost my temper.
It’s not something I do with any regularity, but I have done it before. I’m embarrassed about it, angry with myself about it but most of all, I’m distressed over hurting someone else with it.
I have all kinds of “justifications” for it, but I know that it was wrong and should never have occurred. There is no excuse for it. I have been distracted and sleepless over it…as I should be.
It is nearly impossible to make it “right” and while I will try to because I know I am commanded to do so (Matt 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”) and even more so, because it is my heart to make amends and be reconciled. Where did I fail (where do we fail) when we lose our temper?
By being too quick to anger. Prov 19:11 A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
I took offense and instead of letting it go, I reacted. I was wrong to let it become personal and wrong to take offense and react with my temper. Ephesians 4:26 advises, “In your anger do not sin…” Could be good to lose your temper I suppose, since it apparently can be done but not sinfully done.
Maybe Jesus’ cleansing of the Temple is one illustration of losing temper but not sinning. Some might say that Jesus did not lose his temper, but it sure looks like it. John 2:14-16 “In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the moneychangers sitting there. And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen.
And he poured out the coins of the moneychangers and overturned their tables. And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father’s house a house of trade.”
A whip, pushed them out, tossed their money around and turned over their tables…seems like temper to me. Yet, we know he did not sin because he was sin free. In this case, Jesus was doing a couple of things.
First, these vendors were interfering with the Gentiles’ ability to worship at the Temple since this was their space. He was returning to the gentiles the ability to worship God.
Secondly, Jesus was tossing a bunch of squatters out of his Father’s house. He had true justification in cleaning the house of those interested more in profit than God.
For us, we must watch our hearts and not give into the sin of anger. And if we do, then be quick to repair the damage as best we can.
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Mike Kelly is the founding pastor of Bryan’s Grace Community Church (retired) and Board Chairman of Bryan’s Sanctuary Homeless Shelter and Williams County’s Compassion (free) Medical Clinic.