By: Mike Kelly
Retired Pastor
“Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?” (Ps. 77:7-9) Can you imagine such fear? Such doubt? Such depression?
If you have walked with God for a season, then the idea of him leaving your side can be terrifying. Yet, many of us have been there.
Not just a feeling that we were abandoned but a deep knowledge that he no longer cares. He no longer guards us. He no longer desires to fellowship with us. What light we had has gone out.
We are in darkness, a deeper darkness than we have ever known or believed possible. Not only is there no light at the end of our tunnel, but it is also too dark to even see the tunnel.
Verse 10 (NLT) goes on to say: “And I said, “This is my fate; the Most High has turned his hand against me.”. It’s not just that God has abandoned me, but he has turned against me.
The One who was my dearest friend, my confidante, my hero, my savior, is now not only not for me, but he is also against me! He has turned his hand against me! I am now his enemy! Can you even imagine feeling like this?
The God of the universe and your Father, has turned against you. He has let you down to such an extent that you can only see him as your hunter and not your defender.
Where does one turn when you are so low…Lower than the belly of a rattlesnake in a wheel rut at the bottom of the Grand Canyon?
Telling yourself that feelings lie, that God isn’t capable of hating you, that he would never abandon you, never give up on you helps when there is some light to hold onto.
But when all you can see is darkness? Theology won’t cut it. Reasoning won’t make it any lighter in your darkness. So, what will? What will restore some light?
The Psalmist said in verse 11: “But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.” When my theology fails, when my feelings drag me down, I have one weapon left…my memory. On a personal note, I have been this dark on occasion and after laying in the darkness for way too long, I finally began to open my eyes to see if there was any light to hold onto.
I knew God would not, God could not abandon me. But that didn’t overcome my feelings. I knew that God could not stop loving me, he simply couldn’t. It’s not possible. But even that didn’t bring any light into my darkness. What did? What finally convinced me that my feelings were wrong?
The same thing that the Psalmist used “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” (v12) God’s care for me over the decades brought me out of that deep and very dark place.
Like the Psalmist, they made me remember his care and who he really is. “Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people…V13-14.
You are the God who performs miracles! My God is almighty. There is nothing he cannot do. A long time ago…several decades…I started journaling.
And in the pursuit, I kept a separate list of things that I saw God do in my life. Extraordinary things. Times where I would have died if he had not gotten involved.
Times where my dreams appeared to die, and he resurrected them even better than I had hoped for. Times when I faced all closed doors to be led to a door I didn’t even know existed.
Times when he delivered me from the enemy’s attacks in ways that humiliated my attackers. And in those remembrances, my focus moved from the darkness and the monsters to Him.
To his loving smile, to his encouraging words, to his remarkable interventions in my life. I remembered and saw the God who saved me. Who loved me that much! The God who counts every hair on my head.
The God for which no cry is ignored or forgotten. The God whose unfailing love can never vanish! Ever! If you’re struggling right now. If you’re in a darker place than you’ve ever been, we can tell you to pray more, to hold on longer, to resist the Devil and he will flee from you.
There’s a lot of good sound scriptures to share with someone in depression but the truth is, they aren’t the answer, or at least, they weren’t for me.
We can tell you to get on your knees and pray more, to listen to worship music, to read your Bible more. And all that is good counsel.
But it never helped me. It wasn’t until I remembered the personal relationship with God that I began to see light again. When I began to read the testimonies, I had journaled that reminded me of how much He loves me and how important to Him I am.
Remembering all the miracles, the interventions, the Words spoken in my spirit, the healings, the rescues, the abundance of so many undeserved blessings.
Remembering Him as my friend finally cut the bounds that held me. And I again saw the Light. “What God is so great as our God?!” None, there is no one like him.
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Mike Kelly is the founding pastor of Bryan’s Grace Community Church (retired) and Board Chairman of Bryan’s Sanctuary Homeless Shelter and Williams County’s Compassion (free) Medical Clinic.
