By: Marlene Oxender
A few weeks before my brother Stevie passed away, I decided we should take some photos together. We sat on the couch, and Stevie could see the two of us on the camera screen. He was in a silly mood and called me “Marlene Marine.”
I was glad I’d caught the moment on video, for Stevie had just given me another nickname. That night was my turn to stay overnight at his house. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t know my new nickname was somewhat prophetic.
It was 2 a.m. when I woke up to a cold house. My tired eyes didn’t read the numbers correctly on the thermostat. I heard the furnace kicking on, but I didn’t know it was just an attempt by the furnace to do what it was supposed to do. So, the house was becoming colder.
At 6 a.m. I heard a noise, so I checked on Stevie and found he had fallen out of bed. Knowing he could still get himself off the floor, I brought a chair for him to use as he’d done in the past. Although he told me he’d get up, he continued to sit on the floor and tell me how cold he was.
Finally, I called my brothers to tell them Stevie needed help, and the house was very cold. I should have called in the troops at 2 a.m. As it turned out, they had the chance to sleep before spending the morning getting heat back into the house.
Taking care of Stevie over the years had been a fairly easy thing to do. As his health declined, we naturally looked for ways to keep him safe and content. To find things he could do. His family members and caregivers were “called up” to see him through.
Looking back on the last years of his life, we knew he was slowing down. He quit participating in things that were important to him. The last time he rode his bike was in the summer of 2022. He’d also retired from playing Special Olympics basketball and decided he’d like to be the team manager.
His annual family vacations were spent in Cincinnati where we went to restaurants, ball games, and amusement parks. His last trip to the Reds’ ball field was in September of 2022 when, of course, the Reds won.
My cell phone is now a little treasure box – full of pictures and videos of the fun times we’d spent together. Stevie couldn’t pass up a good souvenir or trinket, and now I’m glad he wanted to have his photo taken whenever it worked out. Who doesn’t need a refrigerator magnet with a picture of yourself taken while on vacation?
After our parents passed away, Stevie would often tell us that he missed them. Although he knew where they were, we found the best reply to his questions was simply to remind him that Mom and Dad are okay.
When we go through the loss of a loved one, we’re reminded of how much it hurts emotionally. It seems the more we love someone, the harder it is to adapt to life without them. We’re left with emotions we’ve never dealt with before.
After Stevie experienced a loss in his life, he summed up his feelings in four words: “It hurts my heart.” In the comments on Stevie’s Facebook page, it was pointed out that everyone should “Love like Stevie,” and the world would be a better place.
If Stevie taught us anything, it’s that we’re here to live each wonderful moment. To laugh with others. To have fun.
There may be times we need to be as tough as a marine, but we’re here to live life with joy, even as we deal with our hurting hearts.
It seems Stevie had a built-in superpower when it came to loving unconditionally. I found a video in which I quizzed him about his love for babies. I asked him if babies like him, and he nodded as he stated, “Everybody likes me.”
Perhaps the fact that Stevie knew he was loved is the reason he so easily loved others. Stevie and his friends were an especially fun group to hang out with.
Their positive energy filled the air, and their jokes made others laugh. Their marriage proposals to waitresses were something they got away with.
Stevie’s good friend Kevin Heer passed away just two weeks before Stevie. There are those who’ve laughingly asked if the two had conspired to be together.
I was Stevie’s legal guardian during his time on earth. Now I know we’ve switched places, and Stevie is my guardian who left me with one last gift – a nickname to see me through. I won’t forget he told me that I’m a marine.
We’ve been placed on this earth to love and be loved. To put our built-in superpowers to good use. To be tough. To be brave. To live up to our nicknames. To love without judgment. To know when we’ve done all that we can do. To “love like Stevie loved.”
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Marlene Oxender is a writer, speaker, and author. She writes about growing up in the small town of Edgerton, her ten siblings, the memorabilia in her parents’ estate, and her younger brother, Stevie Kimpel, who was born with Down syndrome. Her two recently published books, Picket Fences and Stevie, are available on Amazon.
